dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
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I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
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Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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