He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
