fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
