im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
