I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
