I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
