What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
