im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
