He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
