sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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