Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
