How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
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Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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