Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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