I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
