My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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