so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
