ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Can I color on your dick again?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
