If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
