Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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