Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
