Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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