Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
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And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
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Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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