How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
