My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
