have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
