epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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