Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
