My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
True college students do jello shots in the library
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