I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
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she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
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I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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