is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
what is it with giant penises always finding me
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
