Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
