Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
