1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
