I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
