From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
