you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
me + whiskey = a bad person
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize