I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
