Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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