His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
as a side note pls kill me
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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