I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
