I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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