Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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