I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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