Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
