ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I wish you could order shots online.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
