I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
