I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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