he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
