she woke up with a sticky ear
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
