Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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