oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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