wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
