Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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