____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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