i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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