yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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