You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
