If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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