I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
