I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
