I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
