that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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